


you've ruined my life (by not being mine)

by itscapitolr



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Drunk Grantaire, I wrote this while high, M/M, Pining Grantaire, Sad Grantaire, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24301585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itscapitolr/pseuds/itscapitolr
Summary: He hated Enjolras so much. The way his blond curls bounced with every step he took, the way his nose crinkled when he laughed, the way he didn’t love Grantaire back. It was sickening to sit here and watch him but he couldn’t look away.Enjolras tipped his head back as he laughed at something Courfeyrac said and something inside Grantaire broke. His heart was hurting from the strain of Enjolras’ beauty but he couldn’t look away. But that’s how it always was with him. Grantaire was furious.
Relationships: Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Kudos: 19





	you've ruined my life (by not being mine)

**Author's Note:**

> this is based off of 'gorgeous' by taylor swift. also this was written and posted while i was high so if it sucks im sorry lol. hope u enjoy tho.

None of this would be happening if Grantaire wasn’t so goddamn immature. He isn’t usually like this, but something about Enjolras turns him into an incoherent mess. 

Grantaire sat next to Éponine on a couch in Enjolras and Combeferre’s living room. He watched as Enjolras danced to some Taylor Swift song, along with Courfeyrac and Jehan, who all held cups in their hands. 

He hated Enjolras so much. The way his blond curls bounced with every step he took, the way his nose crinkled when he laughed, the way he didn’t love Grantaire back. It was sickening to sit here and watch him but he couldn’t look away. 

Enjolras tipped his head back as he laughed at something Courfeyrac said and something inside Grantaire broke. His heart was hurting from the strain of Enjolras’ beauty but he couldn’t look away. But that’s how it always was with him. Grantaire was furious. 

“Maybe we should just go to my apartment,” Éponine suggested, seeing the way Grantaire’s hand gripped the cup in his hand. 

That would be nice. Hanging out with just Éponine, getting to cuddle with her dog and being in charge of the music choice. But then he’d have to chance missing Enjolras do something remotely interesting. He felt as if Enjolras was ruining his life. 

“No, I’m fine,” he lied. “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom.”

He stood up and walked across the living room towards the bathroom. There was nothing he wanted more than to join in with them, but he walked past his friends who were now dancing to a Britney Spears song. 

Although he tried his best to squeeze past them, there wasn’t enough room and Enjolras accidentally elbowed him in the chest. 

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” Enjolras placed both his hands on Grantaire’s shoulders, his eyes filled with concern. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Grantaire pushed Enjolras’ hands off of him and continued walking.

“What’s wrong?” Courfeyrac asked, noticing how Grantaire had quickly become agitated. “He didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I said whatever,” he snapped. 

“Sorry, Grantaire, it was an accident,” Enjolras said and he almost sounded scared. 

Grantaire didn’t know what to say so he turned away and walked to the bathroom, slamming the door behind himself. He leaned against the door, slid down to the ground, and let his head fall to his knees. 

He sat there silently, reliving the exchange in his head and counting all the reasons he hated himself. Ten minutes had gone by when he heard a quiet knock on the door. He didn’t know what else to do so he sighed as he stood up and opened the door, surprised to meet Enjolras’ gaze. 

“Um- hey,” Grantaire said awkwardly. 

“Can I come in?” Enjolras asked. 

He didn’t know how to respond so he pulled the door open to let Enjolras in. The blond entered and sat down on the floor opposite Grantaire. 

“I’m sorry,” Grantaire said after a few minutes had gone by of them staring at the floor. 

Grantaire looked up from the floor to see Enjolras already looking at him. His blue eyes were sparkling even in the dimly lit bathroom. He felt as though looking away would kill him. His eyes were reaching into every corner of Grantaire’s soul and it was like they were drowning him. 

“You aren’t usually mean when you’re drunk,” Enjolras said. Grantaire felt his heart break at that. “Why tonight?”

“I don’t know,” but he knew exactly why. It was Enjolras’ fault. His fault for being so pretty. 

Enjolras sighed. 

“Just know that you didn’t do anything wrong,” Grantaire said. 

“I just don’t understand. You talk to everyone but me all night, you yell at me, and then you tell me I did nothing wrong? How can I not think I did something wrong? Why are you so hot and cold with me?” 

“I’m sorry,” Grantaire said again, quieter. 

“You’ve mentioned,” Enjolras said coldly. 

“It’s just-” Grantaire began, but he didn’t know what to say. 

“Yes?” Enjolras said expectantly. 

He shook his head. “Nothing worse than what you can’t have.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

Grantaire didn’t know how to answer, so like the immature asshole he was, he stood up from the floor of the bathroom and opened the door. His shoes were on his feet and before anyone even noticed he was leaving, he was out of the apartment and walking down the several flights of stairs. 

He walked home in the rain, torn up old sneakers getting soaked as he stepped in puddle after puddle that he didn’t bother to avoid. The streets of Paris felt lonely. But maybe that was just Grantaire’s default setting. 

On his walk he imagined a world in which many things were different. He imagined a world in which he wasn’t such a coward and he could just tell Enjolras how he felt about him. He imagined a world where he wasn’t in love with Enjolras at all. Now, didn’t that sound nice. But he also imagined a world in which Enjolras loved him back, and that one was the most painful because he knew it was the least likely scenario. 

He finally arrived at his apartment, hanging up his coat as he came through the door. His cats — a grey one named Jane and a black one named Merlin — scurried over to him as soon as they heard him. He picked them both up and walked to his bedroom and laid down on his bed, the cats quickly making themselves comfortable by leaning into his sides. 

Grantaire laid there staring at his ceiling for a while. He wished some melodramatic shit would happen and Falling by Harry Styles would start playing, but it was kind of just sad, and not in the cool way. 

Life isn’t a Harry Styles music video. If it were, Grantaire would probably be a lot more attractive.

**Author's Note:**

> there were probably several incoherent sentences in there but at this point it's whatever. follow me on twitter @leiaskywaIkerr if u want.


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